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Tuesday, October 31, 2006



Sunday, October 29, 2006


 


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

thanks lindsay :)

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski
http://twloha.com/index.php

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.


Sunday, August 27, 2006

Some phrases I read:
 
When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that's called worry. When you think about God;s Word over and over in your mind, that's meditation. If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate!!!
 
The misconception of worship made it a ritual to be close to God ,  actually it should be in daily presence. Just like the 活在當下.   In the old testment, human seek God in the temple they keep distance from God , God is the idol. THrough Christ dying on the cross, through the acceptance of death and suffering come the liberation.  God  , instead of a religion, become a way of life, our friend. Only then can human "LOVE" God, stay aware of his presence in every moment. .
 
We don't praise God to feel good but to do good. The goal of meditaion is not a feeling but a continual awareness of the reality that God is always present.  Like 無我, let go os self awareness and fully focus on the what you are doing now, is a meditation too.
 
Am I too gobbolish?????
 
 
Love, mom


Thursday, August 24, 2006

‘Morning After’ Pill Is Cleared for Wider Sales

WASHINGTON, Aug. 24 — The Food and Drug Administration today approved over-the-counter sales of the “morning after” contraceptive pill to those 18 and older, resolving one of the most contentious issues in the agency’s 100-year history.

The drug, an emergency contraceptive called Plan B that is manufactured by Barr Pharmaceuticals, will be sold only in pharmacies and health clinics. Buyers will have to show proof of age. Anyone under the age of 18 will still need a prescription to buy the pills.

Nationwide over-the-counter sales will begin by the end of the year, Barr said. The prescription drug presently sells for $25 to $40. The price could change, the company said. Men may purchase Plan B.

The F.D.A.’s acting commissioner, Andrew C. von Eschenbach, wrote that he decided that 18 was the appropriate cutoff for sales because pharmacies already restrict nicotine and cold medicines sales at that age.

“This approach builds on well-established state and private-sector infrastructures to restrict certain products to consumers 18 and older,” Dr. von Eschenbach wrote in a memorandum.

Dr. von Eschenbach’s predecessor, Dr. Lester M. Crawford, said last year that science supported giving over-the-counter access of the drug to women as young as 17, but that he could not figure out how to ensure that such an age restriction was enforced.

The agency has now decided that it will depend upon Barr to enforce the rules. Barr’s chairman, Bruce L. Downey, said in an interview that the company would rely on pharmacists to abide by the restrictions. Barr will not sell the pills to convenience stores, and the company will conduct surveys to measure whether the restrictions are being followed, Mr. Downey said.

Abortion rights advocates hailed the F.D.A. decision, although many bemoaned the age restriction. “We are pleased that a common-sense, common-ground agenda for reducing unintended pregnancy and the need for abortion finally won out,” said Kirsten Moore, president of the Reproductive Health Technologies Project in Washington.

Abortion opponents threatened political retribution.

“Let there be no mistake about it, today’s decision lies at the feet of President Bush and has created a lasting rift with the Catholic faithful who compromise a large part of his support base,” said the Rev. Thomas J. Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, an anti-abortion group based in Virginia.

President Bush was asked at a news conference on Monday whether he supported Dr. von Eschenbach’s intention to approve over-the-counter sales of Plan B — a rare moment when a president addressed an application pending before the F.D.A. He replied, “I support Andy’s decision.”

The F.D.A.’s approval was widely expected and led to a flood of prepared press releases from Capitol Hill offices, advocacy and medical groups.

“This long overdue decision is a victory for women’s health and for the American people who have been waiting for years for the F.D.A. to act,” Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York and Patty Murray of Washington, both Democrats, said in a joint statement. The two also held a press conference.

Senator Tom Coburn, a Republican of Oklahoma, denounced the decision. “Exposing women to the high-dose hormones in Plan B without the guidance of a physician will put them at risk,” he said.

Anti-abortion groups strongly opposed Barr’s application for over-the-counter sales, saying the medicine is an abortion pill whose widespread availability could lead to an increase in sexually transmitted diseases. Abortion rights advocates pushed equally hard to get the application approved, contending that easy access to Plan B would sharply reduce the nearly one million abortions performed each year in the United States.

Both sides are wrong, studies suggest. Couples in the United States have so much unprotected sex — half of all pregnancies are unplanned — that even if the pills were very easy for anyone to obtain, they would be unlikely to cause a major change in abortion and disease rates.

“Emergency contraceptives don’t work if, like condoms, they’re left in the drawer,” said Dr. James Trussell, director of the office of population research at Princeton University. “And studies show that even if women have the pills on hand, the drawer is where they remain.”

Still, Dr. Tina Raines, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of California San Francisco, said that over-the-counter access to Plan B will help some women avoid getting pregnant.

“Unintended pregnancy rates have been dropping over the last decade, lots of things have contributed to that, and this will, too,” Dr. Raines said.

Plan B’s effect on the F.D.A. and its image may well overshadow its public health impact.

The F.D.A. has regulatory authority over a quarter of the American economy. Despite this huge portfolio, three different F.D.A. commissioners for three years devoted countless hours to considering whether to switch a small-selling, decades old medicine to over-the-counter status.

“I cannot recall any other issue in my 45 years of watching F.D.A. that has garnered this much attention at all levels of government,” said Peter Barton Hutt, a former general counsel for the agency who now teaches drug law at Harvard.

The director of the agency’s office of women’s health resigned last year to protest what she said was the “abortion politics” behind the delay in approving Plan B. An investigation by the Government Accountability Office concluded that top agency officials had decided to reject the initial Plan B application months before a scientific review was complete.

Sworn depositions taken by lawyers for the legal advocacy organization the Center for Reproductive Rights show that some of the agency’s staff members were convinced that no amount of scientific evidence would have persuaded the agency’s political appointees to approve the application.

Dr. John Jenkins, director of the agency’s office of new drugs, said in a deposition that his boss, Dr. Steven Galson, told him “that he felt he didn’t have a choice” but to reject the application, according to transcripts provided to The New York Times.

“And he characterized that in a sense that he wasn’t sure that he would be allowed to remain as center director if he didn’t agree with the action,” Dr. Jenkins said. Dr. Galson, director of the agency’s drug center, is Dr. Jenkins’ boss.

Dr. Florence Houn, director of the office that evaluated the Plan B application, said that she was told by Dr. Janet Woodcock, a deputy F.D.A. commissioner, that a rejection was necessary “to appease the administration’s constituents, and then later this could be approved,” according to the transcripts.”

Dr. Galson and Dr. Woodcock both said in their own depositions and public statements that scientific considerations drove their decisions. In an interview, Dr. Galson refused to address the apparent inconsistencies.

“I’m extremely happy to put this phase of the decision-making process behind me and to move on to other priorities,” Dr. Galson said.

But the issue may not go away for long.

Barr will launch a study of Plan B’s use in young adolescents in hopes of getting the agency’s age restrictions lifted, Mr. Downey said. “In my mind, if we go back and have an adequate study that includes the younger group, the basis for any age restriction goes away,” he said.

Senators Clinton and Murray placed a legislative hold on Dr. Crawford’s nomination last year as F.D.A. commissioner to pressure the agency to make a decision on Plan B. They lifted their hold after Health and Human Services Secretary Michael O. Leavitt promised a decision by Sept. 1 of last year. Dr. Crawford was confirmed, and the F.D.A. announced yet another Plan B delay.

When Dr. Crawford unexpectedly resigned weeks later, the senators said that they refused to let Dr. von Eschenbach’s nomination as commissioner to advance without a Plan B decision. Today, the senators said that they would lift their hold.

The Plan B application has seeped into popular culture. It was the subject of a passionate argument earlier this month on the popular TV talk show, “The View.”

Still, confusion about the medicine is widespread. Many women’s health clinics pass out cards explaining the difference between Plan B, a contraceptive, and RU-486, the abortion drug.

Plan B is made from a synthetic hormone found in regular oral contraceptives. There are two pills, the first of which should be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex and the second 12 hours later. Like regular contraceptive pills, Plan B generally acts by preventing ovulation or fertilization, according to the F.D.A. Plan B may in rare circumstances prevent a fertilized egg from becoming implanted — something abortion opponents decry. But regular oral contraceptives do that, too.

RU-486, on the other hand, causes a woman to miscarry a well-established pregnancy.



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